"Where have you been?"

Hello darlings.

Sorry I have been absent from blogging for a bit. My business has really picked up in the last few months, so I have been kept very busy with cosmetic companies and advertising campaigns.  Very busy, very exciting, and I am very happy for the work with some talented crews.

In addition, my husband and I are expecting our first child. The first few months of exhaustion and nausea have passed, and we have been moving full-speed-ahead into planning to bring this little one into the world this December, so preparation for that (including a move of home and studio) has been occupying the time I am not working, eating, or peeing when the kid head-butts my bladder.

Now that I have a little bit of a breather, or as close to one as I get anyway, I will be fleshing out some articles that I have in my head and will start getting them up soon.

Be well, be fab,
Lucinda

What about the non-makeup jobs?

I have done makeup for print, runway, and events. I have worked in spas as an Aveda-trained esthetician. I have been contracted out by cosmetic lines for years of employment. I have been internationally published in fashion magazines. I also am a pretty successful freelancer who has been running my own studio for a number of years. Seems glam, doesn't it?

However, what captures the imagination of my clients when they sit in my chair is my long history of non-makeup jobs. To lay the groundwork, and to support my art until it could support itself, I would do just about anything to survive, to get a good story, or for a laugh. These three things have defined my job history; I am not afraid to try new things, and I look for the best story.  I have also usually held down more than one job at a time, so my work history is pretty packed. Even though I no longer worry about a day job now that makeup has turned into a career, sometimes I will still take a short-term gig for a good story or experience, like when I worked the recent King Tutankhamun exhibit.

I have often run into people who needed work, but didn't want to take anything that wasn't "in their field". I can understand this for some highly-specialized fields. However, in the creative industries, I would argue that variety and flexibility (both on the job-seeker's part and in the job's scheduling) is extremely enriching. It allows you to build a firm and colorful foundation so when you are ready to venture on your own, you can also be a social chameleon, rich in stories and skills. I was recently working with a model and mentioned "I used to catch snakes for a nature center" and she stopped in her impressively high heelless platforms and laughed "what HAVEN'T you done?" So, for the record, I give you my non-makeup jobs, and how they helped me become the makeup artist I am today.

Our story REALLY begins 13 years ago.
Outside the place I made perfume.

Hell yes I was rocking glitter and a porkpie hat. 

I have...

...Bussed tables in a biker bar while my dad cooked.

How it applies today: It keeps me grounded to remember my roots. My dad would bring us to work when had us for the weekend. I grew up around these bikers and bussed the tables for pool, pinball, and jukebox money. They were my first patrons. They gave me art supplies and encouragement as I drew on their walls, and fulfilled requests for designs for tattoos and for images to be painted on the tanks of motorcycles and the hoods of cars.

...Been a nanny.

How it applies today: If I could handle a four year old, a seven year old and a twelve year old that chased each other with knives when I first arrived and turn them into well-behaved kids that would take care of each other and make breakfast...I can handle chaos backstage.

...Worked as a park laborer, twice.

How it applies today: I am not afraid to work hard, get dirty, or lend a hand to the crew. If I can wade into leech-filled waters to fix a pontoon bridge, chop down trees and dig stumps, pull up a patch of poison ivy by hand, drive industrial lawnmowers, or shovel hotly decaying woodchips in full august sun...I'm pretty sure I can roll up my sleeves to help lift a few things and lighten your load. I also wield a mean multi-tool and am prepared for almost anything needing fixing on set.

...Done my fast food time

How it applies today: It gave me humility and the ability to fend off skeezy people in positions of authority. It helped to ensure that I will never be needlessly rude to someone working an entry-level job.

...Bathed animals in a homeopathic pet center.

How it applies today: It helped me to start thinking in a holistic manner when approaching something cosmetic. It wasn't just about prettying up the animals, but doing so in a healthy manner with quality products. This location was also an animal rescue, so it taught me to be firm but gentle, and to work with creatures that have been scared or wounded. It's a little surprising how much working with packs of dogs and working with crews of people can have similarities at times. 

...Been a clerk in a metaphysical book shop.

How it applies today: I am open-minded and love to hear what motivates and moves people of all walks of life. I find artistic inspiration in the mythologies, traditions, and stories from people all around the world and throughout history. It also gave me a start in herbalism, which has helped me a great deal when it comes to my cosmetic ingredient knowledge.

...Organized and crafted displays for a boutique.

How it applies today: It helped me to look at a work as a whole picture, not a single element, which helps to ensure that my makeup is part of the whole story that is being created, and not an element that is going to seem out-of-place. It also allowed me to experiment with color and texture and to bring something lovely and intentional out of chaos.

...Been a muralist.

How it applies today: It taught me how to manage commissions, and was my first foray into pricing my own work and timing my pace to match a project deadline. It also taught me how to work in front of an audience and in hustle-and-bustle.

...Been a cocktail waitress in a gay bar.

How it applies today: This was my first brush with being  "a name". I had large groups of regulars, who would shout their nickname for me when I'd walk in the door, like I was Norm from the show "Cheers". This was weird for a shy kid. It helped draw me out of my shell and got me to loosen up and play. It introduced me to the club scene.

...Been a hostess/organizer for a gothic-industrial dance night.

How it applies today: I performed my very first makeup application on a stranger. He was a lovely gay boy who wandered in and wanted to fit in on the dance floor. I did his makeup while perched on the bathroom sink in the men's room (it was years before I even considered makeup as a job, so I didn't know ANYTHING about safety and sanitation). I learned to commit to an ongoing project. I learned to mix and mingle. I learned to keep a crowd moving, talking, and entertained.

...Been a custom-perfumer, "the best nose in the business" according to my coworkers, and a buyer at an indie bath, body and gift boutique.

How it applies today: The buying taught me trendspotting and how to have variety while maintaining a cohesive "feel" for the store. The bath and body care was my introduction to product knowledge and applied ingredient knowledge.  It was when I first addressed individual and varied skin and hair needs. It taught me how to let a celebrity know it was good to see them without getting uncomfortably star-struck. The perfuming taught me aromatherapy and managing commissions as well as patience, attention to tiny details, and that work can be very meditative.

...Been a waitress/barista/prep cook/dishwasher/somalier at a restaurant.

How it applies today: I learned to maintain professionalism, boundaries, and a poker face while working with very difficult people.  I learned to rise above my station a bit and experience some of the finer things and to explain and sell them to the customers. Again, I learned to make people feel genuinely welcomed, relaxed, and like they were part of an exclusive club. I never let it show that I was working the jobs of four people until I went home, took one shoe off and fell face-first on my bed.

...Been a figure model.

How it applies today: I know and can coach posing to models. I also never take a model for granted and I am always aware of the model's physical and emotional comfort. It taught me to slow down, take a breath, and just BE. As there was nothing to do but listen, I earned a free supplemental art education by walking around the room on my breaks and taking mental pictures of the works in progress. I would then listen to the instructors and picture what they were saying. Thirteen years of this was more valuable than many college courses I paid for. 

...Been a public relations lead.

How it applies today: It pummeled my stage fright into something manageable and I could hide it as long as I was on-air. It also taught me how to design and present a message, steer conversations, and hit talking points. It taught me that presentation does matter. It was my introduction to teaching and to appearing in various forms of media. This is why I could look calm while painting a newscaster live on air, transforming her from a pretty princess to a zombie bride. I'm completely nervous before and after an appearance, but pretty mellow once I'm in the swing of it.

...Been a used clothing clerk.

How it applies today: I can spot a deal a mile away. I can pinch a penny until it bleeds. I can create wonderful things on a budget. It also taught me how to inspect things closely for quality, to repair things that only need a little love to be spectacular,  and to find diamonds in the rough. It helped me develop an eye for fashion.

...Been a clerk in a mom and pop gift shop.

How it applies today: I like to support the little guy. I learned to maintain equipment from the "pop" half of the equation, who would putter around the store and fix things. I always remember that there are livelihoods and beating hearts behind a business, so if one does right by me, I return the favor. I haven't worked there in years, but my husband and I recently spent a summer afternoon fixing their register. 

...Been a promotional model.

How it applies today: I tailor my look, attitude and bearing to fit the company's message. I know that sometimes it is about the message, not about me. I engage in cram study-sessions to become an instant-expert on topics. I have driven VIPs around in little golf-carts. It also taught me to be clear-headed and selective about the jobs I book, no matter the pay.

...Interned in a puppet theater.

How it applies today: I can do a lot more than makeup for a shoot. It taught me fast-paced flexibility. One day I would have to dumpster dive for puppet parts for a show on recycling, the next I would be assisting actors with pogo-stilts. I might assist with taiko-drumming, paint batik, stitch a tiny luchador costume, or help construct a giant jack-in-the-box. When we would open for community workshops, I learned to guide people in the the process of bringing their visions into creation. I also learned tenacity...I did not know how to drive at the time and there was a bus strike. I walked miles and miles on heavily blistered feet to an unpaid internship because I believed in the work I was doing.

...Worked in hand-bindery in a print factory.

How it applies today: Repetitive work by yourself can be almost meditative. It also taught me attention to detail and the ability to spot the smallest flaws in color, pattern, or symmetry.

...Been a pub wench at a Renaissance festival

How it applies today: It taught  me not to be afraid of well-timed sass. It taught me to work a crowd, laugh at myself, and to exude confidence and own my space. 

...Been a resident girl-geek in a comic store on a troubled block with aggressive shoplifters.

How it applies today: I got used to being stared at. I was masterful at letting trouble know I was not allowing any shenanigans and steering it away without question or escalation. I learned to be assertive and to watch out for my coworkers (as one of my interview questions actually asked if I was willing to physically throw people out of the store if they got violent). I collected a ton of stories, enough that even though I now run my own business, I would probably have kept on there part time for the entertainment value. It also let me further study art, color, and texture through the comics, and fashion through the Vogue Italia magazines that my manager and I would descend on like ravenous hounds when it came time to discard them. 

...Been an esthetician at spas.

How it applies today: This is where I learned my safety and sanitation procedure and kicked it up a notch.  This is where I started doing makeup for weddings and events. It is also where I developed a reputation as a "brow artist". It taught me to maintain client relationships, to promote my own business, and to create opportunity. It also taught me to read subtle cues. I could tell through touch alone if someone was left or right handed, which side they would hold their cell-phone on, and if they were using certain skincare products. I could look and diagnose different skin conditions and hormonal states.  I read the tiniest shift in body language to tell if I was massaging a tender spot, or if I needed to adjust my technique. I learned to comfort and soothe, or to listen if someone needed to talk. I learned that when someone is cocooned in blankets in front of me, with their eyes covered, they are vulnerable and their trust is a sacred gift. I am not going to betray that trust by putting a client at risk, which is why my kit is one of the cleanest and freshest you will find in the industry. That is also how I learned that I would choose integrity over money, as when I was asked to do things that were dangerous for my clients, I struck out on my own and started my makeup career.

...Been a dresser for theater for disabled artists

How it applies today: Many of our actors had issues with mobility, mood, or developmental disorders. I would help people change backstage during shows, especially the people with limited mobility or who needed a little help moving fast enough between scenes. It taught me to stick to timing of the play even if someone is having a rough moment, to coach them through it and get them ready for the cue. It taught me patience and compassion and to take things in stride with humor. Backstage at a theater can be fast-paced and challenging enough. When you add disabilities and emotional disorders, when you puzzle out sentences from a few seemingly random words from a stroke victim, when you lunge forward to catch a blind gentleman before he tumbles from stage and sprain your shoulder, when someone has a loud outburst about your "ghetto booty" during a quiet part of the show...it becomes a whole new ballgame. 

...Been a bellydancer, performing 6 times a day on weekends.

How it applies today: It taught me how to treat fans, respectfully, thankfully, with boundaries. It taught me to push past what I though my physical limits were. It taught me costume design and fine embellishment work. It provided the name for this blog when I had some very ardent fans and was told, "Lucinda, fanboys are an occupational hazard of being fab."

...Been a bodygaurd.

How it applies today: I spent a week in a hotel room with a model to make sure she was safe while traveling. My models trust me to look out for their safety when I am backstage. Even if other designers are having trouble, that trouble instinctively knows to leave my crew alone. We are the safe and calm eye of the storm.

...Worked door at a nightclub.

How it applies today: I brook no BS. I know a line when I hear one. I am not easily intimidated. I polish up well. This was another job where I worked alongside some of the very wealthy and blended in even though I was living in a tiny studio apartment with a shared bathroom at the time. I learned to carry myself well and walk in circles that I would have though beyond my reach as a kid. It also taught me to handle the unexpected with poise, including the night I had to ask myself "there are free drinks, no electric lights, women in nothing but body paint, candles, and a petting zoo..what could possibly go wrong?"

...been a clerk in an adult novelty boutique.

How it applies today: Discretion. I know the kinks of local celebrities and I will never tell. Humor. When you realize we all come naked and screaming into this world, and you've seen all of the ridiculous ways that seed gets planted, it's hard to take yourself too seriously. I also went into this job in this post here.

...Been a substitute teacher at a center for disabled artists.

How it applies today: I am constantly inspired by the artists. I see such deep acts of compassion and far-reaching founts of creativity. I see miracles happen through art and determination. I am reminded to play and to experiment with my art. I constantly learn new techniques so that I can help someone achieve a goal. They teach me as much as I teach them.

Each and every one of these jobs had something to offer that I use in my career today. You never know what will come in handy. Supplementing my arts with interesting jobs did not diminish me or blow my focus. It just meant that when the art was ready to support itself, I had a richer background for it. That depth and "something different" makes people want to work with me and keep working with me. It made me more skilled and adaptable. Lessons and opportunity are not always on a clear-cut path, and an interesting life rarely is. Don't be afraid to explore what you can do or to seek out your own collection of stories. 

Artistic frustration, you are not alone.

I was teaching painting recently and one of the women in the room was getting frustrated with her work. She creates lovely work, but was at a point where she had reworked this particular piece over and over and couldn't stand to look at it anymore. She and I took a break and I read her a poem that made her feel better and reignited the artistic spark.

At some point, all artists get frustrated with their work, question their talent, or are simply ready to quit. In times like that, and when I get frustrated with my own work, I think of Michelangelo.

Point one: "David" is not perfect. In fact, I have an article from the earlier days of the internet as we know it. When the Digital Michelangelo Project started up, they took scans of the "David" and they discovered that he's a bit cockeyed. I like this flaw as it reminds me that the sculptor was human and even a master can make mistakes.

Point two: Even he got frustrated with his employer. "I am thy drudge and have been since my youth" and he was uncomfortable when he had to stretch his comfort zone. Even though he excelled at it, he never viewed himself as a painter.

I have an antique book of Michelangelo's sonnets. My favorite is this one, where he bitches and moans about the creation of his work in the Sistine Chapel. I share this with other artists when they need to know they are not alone when they are unhappy with their work and that even a masterpiece in the making can gnaw at an artist's patience.

On the Painting of the Sistine Chapel to Giovanni Da Pistoja

I've grown a goitre by dwelling in this den--
As cats from stagnant sreams in Lombardy,
Or in what other land they hap to be--
Which drives the belly close beneath the chin:
My beard turns up to heaven; my nape falls in,
Fixed on my spine: my breast-bone visibly
Grows like a harp: a rich embroidery
Bedews my face from brush-drops thick and thin.
My loins into my paunch like levers grind:
My buttock like a crupper bears my weight;
My feet unguided wander to and fro;
In front my skin grows loose and long; behind
By bending it becomes more taught and straight;
Crosswise I strain me like a Syrian bow:
Whence false and quaint, I know,
Must be the fruit of squinting brain and eye;
For ill can aim the gun that bends awry.
Come then, Giovanni, try
To succour my dead pictures and my fame;
Since foul I fare and painting is my shame.

In the end, even though he suffered and complained, he created a thing of breathtaking beauty.



Watch Sistine Chapel Anniversary on PBS. See more from Religion & Ethics NewsWeekly.

Homemade insecticidal soap

Part of maintaining happiness in any career is maintaining a healthy work-life balance. It's important to see the whole picture and to have a healthy level of outside interests to provide both balance and inspiration. This is why I do write about other aspects of life. One of the things that helps keep me grounded, literally, is to get my hands in the dirt. I love receiving plants and tending for them. If I have a bright window, something will be growing in it. My loft has been home to ficus, cypress, herbs, shamrocks, tomatoes, succulents, and a bizarre spiky giant that reminds me of "Cleopatra", the plant from the Addam's Family.

It is winter in Minnesota. Many of us deal with the melancholy that comes with the weather and shorter days by filling our homes with plants. It's a burst of life and greenery. The reminder of spring is a comfort.  Color is refreshing when the days are grey. However, when we have brought our plants in from outside or purchased them from a store, some of them may come with creepy crawlies. I was given a wonderful gift of plants including some large ficus trees. The gift was wonderful, that is, except for the spider mites, gnats, and scale beetles they were infested with.

Here is how I dealt with that particular sticky menace.

Take a standard spray bottle for diluting cleansers, the larger one that you can find at hardware stores or at beauty supply stores, not the tiny ones from the drugstore. Fill most of the way with water, add a few squirts of dish soap, a splash of cooking oil and 3-4 drops each of clove, cinnamon, citronella and lemon oil. Shake lightly before spraying. Spray the leaves and let sit for an hour. Then spray with water and wipe the leaves with damp paper towels.  If the spray hits the floor, it can get slippery. Put newspapers beneath the plant to help keep you from tumbling ass over teakettle (trust me). Working indoors, this took a long time, but it saved the plants, and my apartment is filled with bursts of greenery. If you're doing it outside, just grab a hose to spray the leaves with good water pressure. I just can't hose out my kitchen.

I live in an 105 year-old warehouse loft, and while it is an interesting space, it does have its quirks. It has drafts, a scary freight elevator, and wasps winter somewhere in the building's walls. Even in November or December we will find one or two in the kitchen. I have taken them out  of the air at a distance with this by turning the nozzle from "spray" to "stream. It may leave a spot of soap and oil to clean up so I find it is best to aim while they are in a window.

There you go. It's easy to make, smells good, and is far more economical and eco-friendly than most of the commercial sprays.

On the Issue of "Issues"

Found: Lost marbles

I debated writing this post for quite some time. I don't often speak about it, but for many years I lived with a monster. I  had a drunken stepfather. Most fourth-graders don't have to contemplate exactly how far they will take things to protect their family. They play with Barbie. I was slinking out of my bedroom to grab an apple cider jug, ready to smash a grown man in the head with it if he didn't stop hitting my mother. He became especially abusive toward me when I reached my young teenage years and it started to show that I was female and that I was "gifted".  The combination was intolerable to him. For many years I was under a kind of modified house arrest, leaving for school or work and only going out if mom stuck her neck out and hustled me out the door if he was out drinking rather than in drinking. During the worst years, his abuse took on a quasi-religious and highly misogynistic flavor. He tried to isolate all of the members of the family because he thought we were plotting against him, and we had to sneak time to talk to each other. I would dash to my brother's room to say "I love you littlebrother". In turn, he would give me stolen art supplies. These clandestine little meetings were instrumental in making me the artist I am today.

I was drawn to Tennyson, Tolkein, folklore, and history. Because I was alone with my books much of the time, I developed a formality based on the language of  the era I was reading from. Because  I was dealing with heavy secrets for an adult to carry, much less a child,  I was shy and had a brittle edge that was too serious for my age. I sometimes still show traces of that anachronism and have a love/hate relationship with solitude. Alone was a prison, but alone was also safe as long as the bedroom door didn't explode open. I was, as Patrick Stewart so eloquently puts it, "an expert on the escalation of violence."  In my older teenage years, I would draw the anger toward me, with all of the arrogance and courage of adolescence, in order to ensure it was focused on me rather than my mother and brother. I thought I was protecting them as my stepfather grew increasingly enraged because I refused to flinch, cry, or look away when I was hit or screamed at. As an adult I was eventually able to scare him away from my family. His legacy followed me in emotionally abusive or simply unhealthy relationships until I learned that just because someone wasn't slapping me around, it didn't mean they were a good match. With that knowledge, I broke that pattern as well. I was a poster-child for PTSD until I learned to deal with it.

Why do I bring this up now and what does it have to do with the image industry?

Firstly, my introductory lesson in camouflage makeup was to hide my own bruises or disguise a swollen lip, before fixing glasses that were struck from my face and checking myself in the mirror so I could go to school. I drag dark memories into the day because I agree with Sir Patrick Stewart on a very important truth. Light must be shown on such abuse to help others and I am not ashamed to speak about what happened.  

Secondly,  I bring it up because in the arts, we tend to be a tribe with a disproportionate amount of people who have scars, who have suffered trauma, or who have a form of mental illness. The arts provide a voice, but it can also be a meat-grinder. We have a lot of people who don't know how to handle their issues in order to be successful.  It is amazing how often I have heard variations of "you don't know me," or "you don't understand,"  when someone has flaked, has completely flipped out on someone, or tries to justify bad behavior. I bring up my own past to say, yes I have scars too, so I am speaking  from a place of understanding when I say...the industry will not be your therapist and frankly, with the amount of people dealing with their own crap, you don't want it to be.

Whatever happens in life, we have a measure of control over our destiny. We are not helpless. We can choose to adapt. We can choose to move forward. We can choose to make use of support systems outside of work. I chose to live well, to persevere, to draw knowledge and strength from my experience. I chose to help others. I chose to examine my weaknesses and make a conscious effort to train myself out of them. For example, thirteen years ago I was so painfully shy that I could not go to a pub without a book of ballads in my pocket as a security blanket. I made myself go out, went to the clubs in outlandish costumes, modeled nude, did public speaking, performed before crowds in spite of my stage fright...I trained myself to become a social chameleon. Now, I am at home in whatever room I occupy from blue collar to black tie. I can work the room and own the space if necessary. Rather than allowing myself to be broken, I sought out new strengths, new skills, and new challenges to overcome. I took it one goal to the next.

People don't know me as Lucinda, the victim of many years of physical and emotional abuse. Because I don't define myself that way. It is only a footnote in my story. They know me as Lucinda, the person who has an inexplicable depth of character and great reserves of strength. They know me as the person they can turn to when they want a mentor for developing that power within themselves. It is a kind of alchemy to turn your pain into gold.

Horrible things happen through chemistry or circumstance. We can choose whether we will perceive ourselves as victims or as survivors. That statement has made some younger artists that have come to me for advice very angry. Often times, they were at a place in their life where they identified themselves as their illness or trauma, as if that was their identity, the thing that made them unique. And how dare I challenge that image that they had of themselves? How dare I suggest that that is only a part of who they are?

There is a difference between having an illness or trauma, and being owned by it. If we're too wrapped up in the idea of sickness or trauma as self, it becomes our own special snowflake syndrome. It's healthier to focus on what else makes you unique and valuable, especially if you are wanting to function in the creative and image industries, especially fashion or film. What is your talent? What is your skill? What do you bring to the table? Your clients and coworkers want to know what it is that you can provide them, and they want to know that it is more than baggage (however fashionable) or a chip on the shoulder.

I have even seen people in the arts get competitive over who was the most emotionally shattered. This is not a selling point. Your coworkers or clients did not cause your challenges, nor should they bear your burdens. They shouldn't be expected to handle you with kid gloves. They don't care what you're working though with your therapist  They want to know that you can do the job  by showing up on set, while conducting yourself in a  professional manner. Whatever sympathy they may have over your fight with your boyfriend, fades  quickly when you show up to set late, drunk, and surly...repeatedly. This is a field that is fast-paced and requires teamwork while also being highly competitive. Social skills are vital. If you haven't the coping skills to manage, then go acquire them or find a better career fit. No matter how close you may be with someone off-work hours, there is no "you poor dear" on-set or backstage.  There simply isn't time for it.

In her book "If You Have to Cry, Go Outside" Kelly Cutrone wrote:

 When my employees make a mistake, I want them to fix the problem as quickly as possible and move on. The last thing I or any other boss wants to hear is, "*Wahhhh*, I was just trying to be helpful, *wahhhh*!" That's why I officially banished crying to the sidewalk outside. You think I'm a bitch? Fine. Go sit on the street and call your friend and talk shit about me all day. Just get out of my office and stop psychically blowing my vibe and that of the  others who came here to make money and be serious instead of being jokers. We may cultivate a purposefully casual atmosphere in our offices, but that doesn't mean we have a casual attitude about work. If we as women want equal rights in the workplace, it's time for us to start acting like equals. You call yourself a feminist? You say you want to advance the women's movement? Then acknowledge that you're no different than anyone else and deserve no special treatment. Haul those FedEx boxes and don't give me or anyone else the luxury of seeing you lose control of your emotions in a professional setting. Once you enter a workplace, you're surrounded by grown-ups, not friends. Your boss is not your boyfriend, and she's not your therapist. She is a person who is paying you to do a job. If you (or she, for that matter) think otherwise, you will be burned. 

I had a bride who was also a friend who invited my long-term boyfriend and I to her wedding. I did her makeup and then he and I attended the wedding and reception as a happy couple. I made a point of not letting her know we had broken up the night before. She didn't need that on her day. It was not the time or place. We need to be aware of those boundaries between our personal lives and doing the job. That is where reputation is built, and you want it built on your strengths. That same bride has since bought my services as a gift whenever her friends get married. 

I don't talk about my younger years at work because it is not what I am there to do. I am at work to work...and to work at my best. I am never formulating excuses, and phantoms of my past will not define me. In fact, until this moment, most of my associates had no idea of this aspect of my story. Friends and family are there for support and you should contact them if you need them, nobody should have to suffer alone. Coworkers in this industry may empathize, as many have endured their own trials, but they won't necessarily sympathize when there is work to be done. My role is one of the most nurturing and intimate on a crew. People want to talk to me and I am happy to listen and treasure their trust. However, even I have had to tell more than one model, "I'm sorry the designer pissed you off/ you didn't pack a granola bar/your boyfriend caused drama at the event/ whatever...I have five minutes to get you down the runway so get it together and chin up. Be as angry/sad/crazy/hungry as you want, once the event is over and the clothes are back on the hangers. Then we can talk."

The clock doesn't stop, deadlines don't stop looming, and the crew isn't going to hang around all night for one person to have a meltdown. "The show must go on." If Freddie Mercury could perform like a rock god when he knew he was dying of AIDS, you too can pull it together for a few hours on set.

Just after Y2K, when my life in this city was spooling up from the $2.00 in pennies I had to my name, Vas Littlecrow scouted me as a model and told me "All this pain and suffering will be great for your press releases." I can see her point...but it is only great if I live my life as a success story. I hope you can live your lives as one as well.

Is it always working, always playing, or always processing?

As a kid, I swore I would grow up to work with Jim Henson. As an adult I interned with a puppet theater, making everything from tiny Mexican Wrestler costumes, to gigantic working Jack-in-the boxes. As such, I now see potential puppets everywhere. Probably not the best impulse to have at the gynecologist.

There is something to be said, though, for constantly having the creative mind taking in and filing information away, to challenge oneself with "what could I do with this?"  I say that I am always working, and it is true. While someone may look at a sunset, I am taking in the interplay of the colors and where they meet. When someone goes to the zoo to see the animals, I am taking note of their muscle structure and the patterns of fur and feathers. Even if I don't have a sketchpad, I am taking little snapshots with my brain. Maybe that is why concentration lines are permanently etched into my face.

When you love what you do for a living, you never really stop working. You don't punch a clock and simply go home. However, it doesn't quite feel like work either. You just keep doing it out of passion, or because it is a part of your nature. The times I have been truly sad in life were the times when I did not create something. Sitting down to make art, whether working on-set, or sculpting or painting in studio, is not just a living, but a part of my health, part of the care and feeding of an artist. Really, it's in the user manual.

Just remember to put a lid on it sometimes. Just because a speculum duckie could be created in a few unsupervised seconds, doesn't mean the doctor will be amused.